MIFF 2012: Day Thirteen

First Position 11am @ ACMI

Kyle's review based on the title alone: Why is the missionary position the first sexual position most people try and how does this position affect women’s position in society? Is the only way for a woman to get to the top to be on top when she sleeps to the top? This hard hitting documentary explores the root cause of the glass ceiling holding women everywhere back, and on their backs. 2/5 First times.

According to IMDB: "A documentary that follows six young dancers from around the world as they prepare for the Youth America Grand Prix, one of the most prestigious ballet competitions in the world."

What DeeDee thought: Hey Kyle, how about you get it a bit more wrong? In both senses of the word. Anyway, this was a superbly made doco. I could watch ballet/ballet related things all day long. Again, I was very disappointed by the schoolchildren attending this screening. So frickin' well-behaved.

Broken 1:30pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: My heart is broken, wah, wah, wah! Nobody wuvs me, wah, wah, wah! Kirsten Dunst in her directorial debut explores broken hearts with charming naïveté. This really is the worst thing in the world, no you won’t ever be happy again, kill yourself now. 4/5 angst’s.

According to IMDB: "The story of a young girl in North London whose life changes after witnessing a violent attack."

What DeeDee thought: Ohhh, this was lovely! I just had this booked as a timeslot filler, so a nice surprise. Good child actors make me happy.

Charles Bradley: Soul of America 4:30pm @ the Kino

Kyle's review based on the title alone: Charles Bradley is an old man but only recently found mainstream success as a soul singer. Is it because he sold his soul to the devil? 4/5 Sharon Jones’.

According to IMDB: "The incredible rise to fame of 63-year-old aspiring soul singer Charles Bradley, whose debut album took him from a hard life in the Brooklyn Housing Projects to Rolling Stone Magazine's top 50 albums of 2011."

What DeeDee thought: I had high expectations of this one, and it neeeeeeearly met them, but not quite. 

Farewell, My Queen 6:30pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A documentary celebrating the life of Amy Winehouse. From the title it’s clear the filmmakers are apparently completely oblivious to Amy’s shortcomings, as we discover this ignorance is willful. A really bizarre movie made by crazy people. 2/5 Winehaus’.

According to IMDB: "A look at the relationship between Marie Antoinette and one of her readers during the first days of the French Revolution."

What DeeDee thought: I'm not sure what thoughts I have on this,  if any, because I was sleepy-time affected by the stuffy Greater Union air & struggled to keep my eyes open. Total junkie-eye-droop thang goin' on. I think I liked it?

The Loneliest Planet 9pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone:

One is the loneliest (planet), but which one? This one apparently. This film was a little too earthcentric for my tastes. 1/5 plutos.

According to IMDB: "A local guide takes a young couple through a twisted backpacking trip across the Georgian wilderness."

What DeeDee thought: THE WORST, JUST THE WORST. I was set to walk out, but stubbornly made it a personal challenge to stay 'til the end instead. I'm not one for talking to myself, but I must admit I did throw my hands at the screen and proclaimed "THANK GOD" when it finished. The longest 113 minutes of my life.

MIFF 2012: Day Twelve

Lovers on the Bridge 11am @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: Pierre and Stephanie live on opposites sides of a bridge, by day they are respectful members of the community, daring no to so much as glance at the town on the other side of the river, but at night they are Lovers on the Bridge. 1/5 Women named Brigitte who go by Bridge for short.

According to IMDB: "Set against Paris' oldest bridge, the Pont Neuf, while it was closed for repairs, this film is a love story between two young vagrants."

What DeeDee thought: I will walk away from this festival with a big, big love of Leos Carax & Denis Lavant. This was gorgeous & I can't wait to watch it again.

Pure 1:30pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A documentary about ex-drug addicts who are now Christian BMX riders. They are searching for the Pure rush that comes from clean living, Jesus, and gnarly tricks on a BMX. 2/5 Gnarly tricks.

According to MIFF: "When aimless 20-year-old former prostitute and high-school dropout Katerina sees Mozart’s Requiem on YouTube she decides this is the world she wants to live in. Burning all her bridges, she wheedles her way into a receptionist’s job at the Gothenburg Symphony and, in quick succession, into a sexual relationship with the callous conductor that takes her into dangerous territory."

What DeeDee thought: Dull. Felt like some crappy straight-to-VHS movie starring Tiffani Amber Thiessen or some other arsehole.

 Modern Romance 4pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: An independent film about a couple who meet playing the MMORPG World of Warcraft. Tastefully made up of footage of the couple IRL and in game footage, Modern Romance shows that casting a love spell is harder than simply hitting the P key. 3/5 Spellbooks.

According to IMDB: "Albert Brooks directs himself as a successful film editor with far too many issues that affects the relationship between him and his remarkably patient girlfriend."

What DeeDee thought: Throughout this movie, people were making the same kinds of sounds I make when I watch Curb Your Enthusiasm. Excellent.

Liberal Arts 6:30pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A love triangle forms between three Liberal Arts students, the two guy attempt to woe the girl with poetry and obscure literary references but she eventually just goes out with a jock. Sucked in nerds. 2/5 Scarfs.

According to IMDB: "When thirty-something Jesse returns home for his father's retirement party, he falls for Zibby, a college student, and is faced with the powerful attraction that springs up between them."

What DeeDee thought: Ted from How I Met Your Mother writes, directs & stars in this movie as Ted from How I Met Your Mother. Z'efron cameo was cute. Not as twee as I'd feared, though I hate hate hate that they used the name 'Zibby'. Get fucked.

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World 9pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: Oh I’m a lonesome little raindrop, looking for a place to fall. Won’t anyone come join me in my End of the World bunker? We can play chess? Oh come on, please be my End of the World friend. 4/5 Lone nuts.

According to IMDB: "As an asteroid nears Earth, a man finds himself alone after his wife leaves in a panic. He decides to take a road trip to reunite with his high school sweetheart. Accompanying him is a neighbor who inadvertently puts a wrench in his plan."

What DeeDee thought: Oh...no. Bad movie. I don't think anyone should bother making movies on this topic anymore, whatever the genre, Lars von Trier kinda clocked it.

MIFF 2012: Day Eleven

Marina Abramovic: The Artist Is Present 11am @ ACMI

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A documentary about an avant garde artist from Poland. She had a tough childhood which is reflected in her post modern finger painting. She takes herself very seriously and so should you. 4/5 My kid could do that’s.

According to IMDB: "A documentary that follows the Serbian performance artist as she prepares for a retrospective of her work at The Museum of Modern Art in New York."

What DeeDee thought: An excellent documentary to watch for people who don't really 'get' performance art. This was in some ways me, or at least I was someone who hadn't given performance art much thought.

A Woman’s Face 1:30pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: Josephine Merrick was born with severe deformities all over her body but her face remained untouched by her condition and she retained A Women’s Face. An interesting film but it felt a little over burdened with excess parts. 3/5 Elephant People.

According to IMDB: "A female blackmailer with a disfiguring facial scar meets a plastic surgeon who offers her the possibility of looking like a normal woman."

What DeeDee thought: Personally, I preferred her face before the surgery. The built-in Elvis lip was pretty badass.

Tomorrow 4:30pm @ the Kino

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A documentary about the day after 9/11. Features interviews with firefighters, survivors, widows and Gilbert Gottfried making jokes about the tragedy. 3/5 Toosoons.
 

According to MIFF: "Revered by the likes of Banksy and Brian Eno, the members of Russian collective Voina (War) have gained notoriety for public ‘actions’ that have landed their leaders in jail. In Tomorrow filmmaker and former ice-dancing champion Andrey Gryazev embeds himself with the group to create this fly-on-the-wall documentary focusing on Voina’s founders, Oleg Vorotnikov (known as Vor) and Natalia Sokol (known as Koza), along with their two-year-old son Kasper, who accompanies them on all of their actions."

What DeeDee thought: Well, that's nice Banksy & Eno, but I mostly just thought that these people were arseholes. And goddamn Kyle, I knew you'd find a way to sneak Gottfried on here!

Amour 6:30pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: Not your typical romantic comedy, oh no, this one is European so it’s smart and arty, plus they are speaking in foreign so you have to read. A film so people who want to watch trash but are just too pretentious. 1/5 sophisticates.

According to IMDB: "Georges and Anne are in their eighties. They are cultivated, retired music teachers. Their daughter, who is also a musician, lives abroad with her family. One day, Anne has an attack. The couple's bond of love is severely tested"

What DeeDee thought: A topic I spend way too much time thinking/crying about. Devastatingly realistic.

Alps 9pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A group of American teenagers head to the Swiss Alps on holidays. Good times and merriment await them in a quaint log cabin, but that’s not all that’s waiting. Cabin fever feat. snow. 2/5 Cheese holes.

According to IMDB: "A group of people start a business where they impersonate the recently deceased in order to help their clients through the grieving process."

What DeeDee thought: Nowhere near as good as I'd hoped it would be. Some amusing moments, but I wasn't there for the funny.

MIFF 2012: Day Ten

Bully 1:30pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A good old fashion talkie in which jolly folk constantly say the word Bully. A kind of ridiculous film that somehow manages to be completely unironic. 4/5 Hollywood Babylons.

According to IMDB: "A documentary on peer-to-peer bullying in schools across America."

What DeeDee thought: Spent this entire movie trying to stop tears from streaming down my face. Kids suck.

Beyond the Hills 3:45pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A gritty documentary about life in the housing projects located just outside of Beverly Hills. Life is much more real here, Beverly Hills is so fake, how come poor people have to live in crappy apartments while rich people get to live in nice houses? Etc. 2/5 90210s.

According to IMDB: "A drama centered on the friendship between two young women who grew up in the same orphanage; one has found refuge at a convent in Romania and refuses to leave with her friend, who now lives in Germany."

What DeeDee thought: This was Lord of the Rings long & it was fun to see people bolt outta there down Russell St to get to their next movie when it finished (me included). An intense watch, but ultimately worth it.

 Call Me Kuchu 6:45pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A little boy with a cold wakes up to find the snot in his handkerchief has come to life. “Call Me Kuchu” says the newly formed snot golem and then begins a friendship that will last a lifetime. 4/5 Disgusting premises.

According to IMDB: "Call Me Kuchu tells the story of the life and death of Uganda's first openly gay man. At a time when an Anti-Homosexuality Bill is pending in Uganda's parliament, the film follows David Kato and three fellow activists, documenting their daily lives, their courageous work to combat persecution, and eventually the brutal and tragic murder that sends shock waves throughout the world".

What DeeDee thought: Read this. Fucked. 

 The Final Member 9pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A documentary about various fan clubs that are a bit past their prime. Features interviews with the last remaining member of the Milli Vanilli Fan club, and the president of the Tiffany fan club. 2/5 Trve fans.

According to IMDB: "Thirty miles from the Arctic Circle, in the northern Icelandic town of Husavik, stands the Icelandic Phallological Museum - the world's only Penis museum. Over 40 years, the founder and curator has collected every specimen from every mammal except for one elusive penis needed to complete his collection: The Human Specimen. The film follows the curator's incredible, sublimely comic, often shocking quest to complete his eccentric collection, and the two intrepid men who have raised their hands to be the first human donor."

What DeeDee thought: This was everything I wanted it to be & more! Both potential donors are brilliantly wack characters. Surprisingly, the cinema was 2/3 empty, guess not many people were in the mood to watch willies.

MIFF 2012: Day Nine

When a City Falls 1:30pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: When a City Falls is it because Atlas Shrugged or due to faults in Wall(s) and Street(s)? This documentary is apparently OWS vs TTP but because it consists mainly of interviews on the street with members of the aforementioned groups it ends up being incomprehensive nonsense. 1/5 movements.

 

According to IMDB: "The people's story of the Canterbury earthquakes. What happens to half a million New Zealanders the year their lives changed forever?"

What DeeDee thought: Spent half my energy during this movie trying to fend off a constant stream of coughs/sneezes/nose blowing by the woman behind me. Well constructed doco, the bulk of the footage used didn't feel all creepy and exploitative, as these types of things can sometimes.

Hara-Kiri: Death of a Samurai 4pm @ Hoyts

Kyle's review based on the title alone: The one anime included in the festival, but one of those anime’s that are arty enough that normal people would watch them. This movie is a gritty tale of life in feudal Japan and watching it is about as entertaining as living in that place and time. 1/5 Sore Bellies.

 

According to IMDB: "An tale of revenge, honor and disgrace, centering on a poverty-stricken samurai who discovers the fate of his ronin son-in-law, setting in motion a tense showdown of vengeance against the house of a feudal lord."

What DeeDee thought: My first & last modern 3D experience. The 3D was really unnecessary & I totally resented having to wear those stupid glasses that whole time. I swearr it was better in the 80s, like most things. Also, Hoyts Melbourne Central is freezing, I could hear the air con blasting the whole way through. Oh, the movie, the movie was actually rather good. Less gory bits than I expected.

Ruby Sparks 6:30pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: For every Hanna Montana there are hundreds of girls who almost made it, this is the story of one of those girls. This movie tries to make you feel bad for Ruby Sparks but can’t escape from the fact that this is a girl who thinks she deserves to be a pop star, and who the hell cares what she thinks? 1/5 Roses.

 

According to IMDB: "A novelist struggling with writer's block finds romance in a most unusual way: by creating a female character he thinks will love him, then willing her into existence."

What DeeDee thought: Most enjoyable, but 'Stranger Than Fiction' remains the better movie along a similar theme. 

Holy Motors 9:15pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: Flanders and his bowling team and now a motor racing team! They pray to God for a safe race but then still wear helmets (science) and seat belts (double science) for protection, some Christians these guys are. 2/5 Hail Xenu’s.

 

According to IMDB: "From dawn to dusk, a few hours in the life of Monsieur Oscar, a shadowy character who journeys from one life to the next. He is, in turn, captain of industry, assassin, beggar, monster, family man..."

What DeeDee thought: Shitfuck amazing, need more of this, whatever this is, in my life. Kylie Minogue's scenes turned out to be my least favourite part of the whole movie.

Errors of the Human Body 11:30pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A gritty reboot of Tod Browning’s Freaks. Because this movie really needed a gritty reboot okay. Despite attempting to be super edgy this movie fails in every attempt to be as moving and engrossing as the original. What once was a naïve and honest tale showcasing sideshow performances is now a mean spirited tale that whilst shocking and at times powerful, simply leaves the audience feeling depressed. 2/5 Schitzies.

 

According to MIFF: "In a mysterious laboratory in snow-cloaked Dresden, visiting Canadian scientist Geoff Burton finds himself working on a clandestine project to divine the human regeneration gene. However, haunted by personal tragedy and a past he can’t escape, Burton falls deeper and deeper into the treacherous outer reaches of genetic engineering."

What DeeDee thought: I was going to see this & made it as far as the cinema, but then this guy elbowed me (accidentally, I hope) really hard in the ear when I was walking to the loo, at which point I decided I was done for the night.

MIFF 2012: Day Eight

Method to the Madness of Jerry Lewis 4pm @ the Kino

Kyle's review based on the title alone: This movie is actually about Jerry Lee Lewis but MIFF made a typo. He set a piano alight, married his cousin, rock ‘n’ roll, yadda yadda yadda. 2/5 Nutty Professsors.

According to MIFF: "It will surprise few to discover that star of stage and screen Jerry Lewis has sought to amuse others since he was five years old. Since that early age, audiences split their sides watching his wacky antics, whilst wannabe comics aspired to his prolific career, from his solo work to his double act with Dean Martin. Indeed, many of his famous fans share stories of affection and admiration for the now 86-year-old performer and filmmaker in Gregg Barson’s documentary."

What DeeDee thought: My dad has always been obsessed with Jerry Lewis, but I was always a bit so-so about him. This doco changed that quite a bit, but I couldn't help walking away thinking "why does he always wear those goddamn tracksuits these days?". Old rich guy thing, I think.

Big Boys Gone Bananas! 6:30pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A teen gross out movie that stars a group body builders who are playing teenagers trying to lose their virginity before graduation. Pure brilliance, every over muscled 40-something plays their teenage role without so much as a wink at the camera, comedic genius. 5/5 Arnie’s.

According to IMDB: "Dole Food Company wages a campaign to prevent a pair of Swedish filmmakers from showing their documentary about a lawsuit against the company."

What DeeDee thought: I very self-consciously ate a banana during this. Cool story, gave me more reasons to love Sweden.

Sightseers 9pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A documentary about Iraq’s ‘booming’ tourist trade. “This film was a blast” – some arsehole.
4/5 Will Smiths.
 

According to IMDB: "Chris wants to show girlfriend Tina his world, but events soon conspire against the couple and their dream caravan holiday takes a very wrong turn

What DeeDee thought: Really, really, really fucking funny, cool movie. I loved it in the same way I loved 'Severance', which played at MIFF a few years ago.

100 Bloody Acres 11:30pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A gritty reboot of a war movie. Tagline: war just got real. You know I was skeptical about this film, “ain’t war gritty enough” some peacenik said once, to which I say “isn’t” and you just wait until you see 100 Bloody Acres. 4/5 Gruff Batmans.

 

According to IMDB: "Reg and Lindsay run an organic fertiliser business. They need a fresh supply of their "secret ingredient" to process through the meat grinder. Reg comes across two guys and a girl with a broken-down vehicle on their way to a music festival."

What DeeDee thought: This was pretty average & predictable, though I must say it was wonderful to hear the word 'fuckarse' used in a movie.

MIFF 2012: Day Seven

Jayne Mansfield’s Car 11am @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: 

“you know that Jayne Mansfield had some big breasts!" – Seinfeld

Actually this is just a really dull movie about road safety. 1/5 decapitations.

According to IMDB: "The drama is about two families from different countries whose cultures clash. The drama takes place in the 1960s."

What DeeDee thought: This was overly long, dull & sometimes weird, not weird good, but 'what...how many people decided that this scene/those lines were a good idea?' weird. Written by, directed & starring Billy Bob Thornton. I miss his wearing-angelina's-blood-around-his-neck days.

The Man on the Roof 1:30pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone:

You better get down from there.

I won’t ever get down! This is where I belong!

Oh boy, what are we going to do about The Man on the Roof? 3/5 Roof Men.

According to IMDB: "Police lieutenant Nyman is murdered in his hospital bed and Martin Beck and his colleagues have another murder to solve. They discover that Nyman was a very brutal and tough policeman who received many complaints about his brutality. Particularly interesting is a complaint from Åke Eriksson, whose wife died in police custody because of Nyman. Eriksson climbs up on a roof in central Stockholm and starts to shoot at people on the street below..."

What DeeDee thought: Pretty much exactly what I expected a 1970s Swedish cop drama to be like. Needz moar Jason King (see below).

 The Student 4pm @ ACMI

Kyle's review based on the title alone: One brave student at one point in time had a point of view about an issue that was slightly more left wing than that of establishment so he went about and made a petition. I didn’t sign it. 1/5 signatures.

According to IMDB: "Roque starts University in Buenos Aires but he is not particularly interested in attending classes or working towards a degree. Instead, he dedicates his time to one of the many groups vying for control of the university, motivated less by grand political ideals than by a wish to get close to Paula, an attractive young teacher heavily involved in internal university politics."

What DeeDee thought: My first walkout. I'd actually thought this would be quite good, but nah. Gave it an hour before giving up. I tried & tried to get into it, but my mind was wandering a fair bit. Oh well.
 

Ace Attorney 6:30pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A documentary about Johnnie Cochran and the legal system of America. Not at all interesting and feels like, I don’t know, 15 years too late. 1/5 gloves.

According to IMDB: "This movie is based on the second and fourth cases in the popular video game Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney. The plot follows Phoenix Wright, a novice lawyer, who faces off against expert prosecutor Miles Edgeworth, who had a perfect win record."

What DeeDee thought: Farkin' excellent. Very, very fun movie to watch in a full cinema. My brother, who has played the game plenty, said it captured the humour & energy of the game perfectly. I must watch more Takashi Miike movies, of which there are many.

How to Survive a Plague 9pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: Warning: Contains no useful advice about plague survival. Plague is a metaphor for Wall Street or something. 1/5 stinkin’ commies.

According to IMDB: "The story of two coalitions -- ACT UP and TAG (Treatment Action Group) -- whose activism and innovation turned AIDS from a death sentence into a manageable condition."

What DeeDee thought: Ah, as Kyle, my brother & sister-in-law were with me for Ace Attorney, the temptation to blow off this movie for my first proper meal in a week was too great. Apparently this is quite good, but so was dinner.