MIFF 2012: Day Seventeen

Into The Abyss 11am @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A horror movie that takes place lakeside. What lurks beneath the surface? What horrors await as you enter the abyss? Rubber masks, buckets of fake blood & a jolly good time had by all. 4/5 Boogies.

According to IMDB: "Conversations with death row inmate Michael Perry and those affected by his crime serve as an examination of why people - and the state - kill."

What DeeDee thought: Opening scene made my heart drop pretty hard. Herzog has a wonderful way with the people he interviews; totally gets away with asking things that would cop most people a punch in the throat.

Our Children 1:30pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: Our Children are the most special children in the whole world, everyone get out of our way, me first, me first, I reproduced, I’m special. A documentary about the entitled attitude of modern parents. Is reproducing something to be proud of in a planet of 7 billions? What would it take to make all the whining parents of the world shut up?

According to MIFF: "Inspired by the disturbing true story of a woman who killed her children and then gave herself into police, Our Children is a claustrophobic, psychological drama in which family closeness is pushed to the extremes."

What DeeDee thought: Kyle, is this your way of telling me you don't want to have children? This had a midday movie vibe. Eh.

Note: 4pm session was spent at the Bobcat Goldthwait Q & A event thingy at the Festival Lounge. I enjoyed it so much & felt so content & lovely, that I decided to skip my final movie, in case it was shit. Ending on a high note & all that business.

Save Your Legs! 6:30pm @ ACMI

Kyle's review based on the title alone: Save your legs, ride in a wheel car! A documentary about non-walkers, people who by choice don’t use their legs in day to day life but rather use wheel chairs to get around. An interesting documentary but one that maybe could’ve simply been an episode of Strange Addiction. 3/5 Crips.

According to MIFF: "A ‘coming of middle age’ bromantic comedy following a Melbourne cricket team on a wild ride from the suburbs to the Subcontinent, where stumps fly, friendships fray and mates learn that the biggest shots in life are played off the field."

What DeeDee thought: I skipped this, but keeping it in because I like Kyle's review.

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And that's it! Decision made, I'm doing this every year.

Top 10 MIFF 2012 

1. God Bless America

2. The Legend of Kaspar Hauser

3. The Final Member

4. Sightseers

5. Marina Abramovic: The Artist Is Present

6. Killer Joe

7. Holy Motors

8. Amour

9. Flicker

10. The Intouchables

MIFF 2012: Day Sixteen

Undefeated 11am @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: Jack Warner, who had his feet amputated (i.e. was de-feeted) after a car accident, has had prosthetic feet surgically attached to his legs, undoing his de-feetion. Now that he’s been undefeeted, despite the lengthy rehabilitation ahead of him, Jack feels undefeated by the accident. 2/5 defeetations.

According to IMDB: "A documentary on an underdog football team who look to reverse their fortunes with coach Bill Courtney."

What DeeDee thought: What the hell, Kyle? This totally deserved it's Oscar. Yeah, I cried, a lot. Something, something Mighty Ducks.

Barbara 1:30pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A lonely scientist invents a robot to keep him company. He names this robot after his first and only girlfriend, Barbara. A funny and touching movie, reminded me of the movie Lars and The Real Girl (2007). 3/5 Robochanmans.

According to IMDB: "A doctor working in 1980s East Germany finds herself banished to a small country hospital."

What DeeDee thought: Another movie that was, for me, a good time-filler, but not much more than that. I guess it made me realise I don't know too much about the whole East Germany thing & maybe I'll rectify that? I guess? 

Berberian Sound Studio 4pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: Oh you would like to know what goes on at the Berberian Sound Studio wouldn’t you? What dark depraved secrets lurk in rooms lit only by the light of a mixing board? Enter the Berberian Sound Studio and channel your four-track mind for a reel-to-reel good time. 4/5 Buried bass guitar tracks.

According to IMDB: "A sound engineer's work for an Italian horror studio becomes a terrifying case of life imitating art."

What DeeDee thought: I need to watch this again, because I was struck down with an unfortunate case of coffee-induced 'need to wees' during this. I usually sit on the aisle, but was about five seats in for this session. I got up once to wee about 20 mins in & needed to go again about 20 mins later, but the scowls I got the first time fumbling past those 4-5 people put me off going, so all my energy went into holding it, 4 year old style. Looks like I'd need to re-watch this regardless though, judging by what I did see. And yes, when I finally got to the loo, it was the greatest wee of my life.

Sound of My Voice 6:30pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A deaf person is fitted with a bionic ear and for the first time in their life hears not only the world around them, but also the sound of their voice. “This is the sound of my voice?? Why didn’t anyone tell me I sounded so stupid!?” 3/5 Marlees.

According to IMDB: "A journalist and his girlfriend get pulled in while they investigate a cult whose leader claims to be from the future."

What DeeDee thought: I'm gonna be a smartarse & say I predicted the ending from early on. Yeah, I'm that guy. Plot-holey, but otherwise very good.

Something From Nothing: The Art of Rap 9pm @ ACMI

Kyle's review based on the title alone: Yo yo yo yo yo yo. 5/5 refreshing beverages.

According to IMDB: "A documentary on rap music and its rise to global prominence."

What DeeDee thought: My family & I are lifelong Ice-T fans (my dad & brother have both met him, arseholes), so even if this was horrible (which it wasn't), I would probably be incapable of acknowledging this. It was Ice-Terrrrrific (groan groan groan).

MIFF 2012: Day Fifteen

Best Intentions 1:30pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A slapstick comedy of errors from the 50s. Jack has the Best Intentions, but things never quite work out the way he plans. Wacky, zany, fun, this movie is a swell time by golly. 4/5 Pies thrown in people’s faces.

According to IMDB: "Alex, in his mid-thirties, is a quite neurotic character. When his mother is hospitalized with a stroke, the caring son's life gets out of track. At the hospital he finds himself in a burlesque kind of human zoo full of unexpected characters and surprising events. Trying to manage the situation in between everybody's advice, he's coming hypochondriac. While his mother seems to feel perfectly fine Alex is making his own set of mistakes - throughout with best intentions."

What DeeDee thought: I was going to say that this was really boring, but then I realised that I spent the majority of the film wanting to stab the son in the face. So maybe it's incorrect to say that I was bored, because I wasn't feeling bored, I was feeling deep, deep rage. Yeah.

Teddy Bear 4pm @ ACMI

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A drama set in a WWII concentration camp. The story is told through the eyes of a young Jewish boy’s Teddy Bear, who is also Jewish. Touching, and very sad, but I found it be altogether a bit too gimmicky. 2/5 Jewish Teddy Bears.

According to IMDB: "The 38-year-old bodybuilder Dennis would really like to find true love. He has never had a girlfriend and lives alone with his mother in a suburb of Copenhagen. When his uncle marries a girl from Thailand, Dennis decides to try his own luck on a trip to Pattaya, as it seems that love is easier to find in Thailand."

What DeeDee thought: Totally fell in love with Dennis within seconds of the movie starting. Really rather good.

The Imposter 6:30pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: Vous êtes imposteur! Non! Vous êtes imposteur! Non, non, non! Vous êtes imposteur! Yeah that’s basically everything that happens. 1/5 Frenchmen who may or may not be imposters.

According to IMDB: "A documentary centered on a young Frenchman who convinces a grieving Texas family that he is their 16-year-old son who went missing for 3 years."

What DeeDee thought: Kyle, did you cheat?! How could you possibly guess the Frenchman bit without looking?? Incredible documentary, bizarro story.

God Bless America 9pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: Bobcat Goldthwait (I’m aware that this is his movie but I know nothing else about it) directs another wonderful dark comedy about two suicidal teens with nothing else to lose, acting out their wildest fantasies on a trip across the USA in a last ditch effort to see if life can be worth living. 5/5 Bobcats.

According to IMDB: "On a mission to rid society of its most repellent citizens, terminally ill Frank makes an unlikely accomplice in 16-year-old Roxy."

What DeeDee thought: MOVIE OF THE YEAR. Not perfect, but it doesn't really matter. I love you, Bobcat.

MIFF 2012: Day Fourteen

Oslo, 31. August 11am @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A film about a day (namely 31/8) in the life of some young Norwegians. Think Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, if Ferris Bueller didn’t really know how to have fun. 2/5 Sauna’s.

According to IMDB: "One day in the life of Anders, a young recovering drug addict, who takes a brief leave from his treatment center to interview for a job and catch up with old friends in Oslo."

What DeeDee thought: If I was in a different mood (i.e. sleepy, apathetic), then I probably would've hated this. Same goes for if I'd watched it at 9pm, instead of 11am. But I was alert & raring to go for day fourteen, so I rather liked it. 

Rampart 1:30pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A hard hitting edge of your seat thriller/action/drama. I could hardly tell what this film was about, all I know is that it had ‘tude. The main character is what role playing nerds might call chaotic neutral and mostly talks with his fists. 3/5 ‘tudes.

According to IMDB: "Set in 1999 Los Angeles, veteran police officer Dave Brown, the last of the renegade cops, works to take care of his family, and struggles for his own survival."

What DeeDee thought: As a phlebotomist (let me save you the google...i draw blood), I have a tendency to be a creep & become fixated on people's veins. I spent a large portion of this film staring at Woody Harrelson's gigantic head veins. The moments I tuned in for were very good, however.

Pink Ribbons, Inc. 4pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A documentary about companies who use the breast cancer Pink Ribbon as a means to promote their product. Examines the impact cancer awareness campaigns have, and briefly touches number of deaths caused by people seeking out alternative treatments for cancer. 4/5 DIY ribbons.

According to IMDB: "Breast cancer has become the poster child of corporate cause-related marketing campaigns. Countless women and men walk, bike, climb and shop for the cure. Each year, millions of dollars are raised in the name of breast cancer, but where does this money go and what does it actually achieve? Pink Ribbons, Inc. is a feature documentary that shows how the devastating reality of breast cancer, which marketing experts have labeled a "dream cause," becomes obfuscated by a shiny, pink story of success."

What DeeDee thought: Very close, K-man, I suspect because we've discussed this topic together many times before. This was a pretty poorly structured documentary, seems like they didn't quite know how to put it all together, and some key points/issues were absent. Interesting subject, however, and exactly the kind of thing that I wish more people would bother to think about.

The Angels’ Share 6:30pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: Actually the apostrophe shouldn’t be there. This movie is about a sports team called The Angels who like to Share things, namely women. If you only see one movie about wife swapping this year, make sure it’s The Angels Share. 4/5 HSVs.

According to IMDB: "Narrowly avoiding jail, new dad Robbie vows to turn over a new leaf. A visit to a whisky distillery inspires him and his mates to seek a way out of their hopeless lives."

What DeeDee thought: I hate hate hate Ken Loach films. Except I can't say that anymore, because I really enjoyed this. Fuckit.

Mine Games 9pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A documentary about China’s mining investments in Africa. Who really owns something that is buried underground? Are the Chinese neo-imperialists? Isn’t African culture just great? This film maker asks these questions & more in a smug ‘well if you don’t know I’m certainly not going to tell you’ manner. 2/5 Sweepers.

According to IMDB: "A group of young friends make an incomprehensible discovery in an abandoned mine, but the more they try to change the future, the more they seal their fate."

What DeeDee thought: And here's where I'm gonna use my get-out-of-jail-free card, 'If you don't have anything nice to say...'.

MIFF 2012: Day Thirteen

First Position 11am @ ACMI

Kyle's review based on the title alone: Why is the missionary position the first sexual position most people try and how does this position affect women’s position in society? Is the only way for a woman to get to the top to be on top when she sleeps to the top? This hard hitting documentary explores the root cause of the glass ceiling holding women everywhere back, and on their backs. 2/5 First times.

According to IMDB: "A documentary that follows six young dancers from around the world as they prepare for the Youth America Grand Prix, one of the most prestigious ballet competitions in the world."

What DeeDee thought: Hey Kyle, how about you get it a bit more wrong? In both senses of the word. Anyway, this was a superbly made doco. I could watch ballet/ballet related things all day long. Again, I was very disappointed by the schoolchildren attending this screening. So frickin' well-behaved.

Broken 1:30pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: My heart is broken, wah, wah, wah! Nobody wuvs me, wah, wah, wah! Kirsten Dunst in her directorial debut explores broken hearts with charming naïveté. This really is the worst thing in the world, no you won’t ever be happy again, kill yourself now. 4/5 angst’s.

According to IMDB: "The story of a young girl in North London whose life changes after witnessing a violent attack."

What DeeDee thought: Ohhh, this was lovely! I just had this booked as a timeslot filler, so a nice surprise. Good child actors make me happy.

Charles Bradley: Soul of America 4:30pm @ the Kino

Kyle's review based on the title alone: Charles Bradley is an old man but only recently found mainstream success as a soul singer. Is it because he sold his soul to the devil? 4/5 Sharon Jones’.

According to IMDB: "The incredible rise to fame of 63-year-old aspiring soul singer Charles Bradley, whose debut album took him from a hard life in the Brooklyn Housing Projects to Rolling Stone Magazine's top 50 albums of 2011."

What DeeDee thought: I had high expectations of this one, and it neeeeeeearly met them, but not quite. 

Farewell, My Queen 6:30pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A documentary celebrating the life of Amy Winehouse. From the title it’s clear the filmmakers are apparently completely oblivious to Amy’s shortcomings, as we discover this ignorance is willful. A really bizarre movie made by crazy people. 2/5 Winehaus’.

According to IMDB: "A look at the relationship between Marie Antoinette and one of her readers during the first days of the French Revolution."

What DeeDee thought: I'm not sure what thoughts I have on this,  if any, because I was sleepy-time affected by the stuffy Greater Union air & struggled to keep my eyes open. Total junkie-eye-droop thang goin' on. I think I liked it?

The Loneliest Planet 9pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone:

One is the loneliest (planet), but which one? This one apparently. This film was a little too earthcentric for my tastes. 1/5 plutos.

According to IMDB: "A local guide takes a young couple through a twisted backpacking trip across the Georgian wilderness."

What DeeDee thought: THE WORST, JUST THE WORST. I was set to walk out, but stubbornly made it a personal challenge to stay 'til the end instead. I'm not one for talking to myself, but I must admit I did throw my hands at the screen and proclaimed "THANK GOD" when it finished. The longest 113 minutes of my life.

MIFF 2012: Day Twelve

Lovers on the Bridge 11am @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: Pierre and Stephanie live on opposites sides of a bridge, by day they are respectful members of the community, daring no to so much as glance at the town on the other side of the river, but at night they are Lovers on the Bridge. 1/5 Women named Brigitte who go by Bridge for short.

According to IMDB: "Set against Paris' oldest bridge, the Pont Neuf, while it was closed for repairs, this film is a love story between two young vagrants."

What DeeDee thought: I will walk away from this festival with a big, big love of Leos Carax & Denis Lavant. This was gorgeous & I can't wait to watch it again.

Pure 1:30pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A documentary about ex-drug addicts who are now Christian BMX riders. They are searching for the Pure rush that comes from clean living, Jesus, and gnarly tricks on a BMX. 2/5 Gnarly tricks.

According to MIFF: "When aimless 20-year-old former prostitute and high-school dropout Katerina sees Mozart’s Requiem on YouTube she decides this is the world she wants to live in. Burning all her bridges, she wheedles her way into a receptionist’s job at the Gothenburg Symphony and, in quick succession, into a sexual relationship with the callous conductor that takes her into dangerous territory."

What DeeDee thought: Dull. Felt like some crappy straight-to-VHS movie starring Tiffani Amber Thiessen or some other arsehole.

 Modern Romance 4pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: An independent film about a couple who meet playing the MMORPG World of Warcraft. Tastefully made up of footage of the couple IRL and in game footage, Modern Romance shows that casting a love spell is harder than simply hitting the P key. 3/5 Spellbooks.

According to IMDB: "Albert Brooks directs himself as a successful film editor with far too many issues that affects the relationship between him and his remarkably patient girlfriend."

What DeeDee thought: Throughout this movie, people were making the same kinds of sounds I make when I watch Curb Your Enthusiasm. Excellent.

Liberal Arts 6:30pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A love triangle forms between three Liberal Arts students, the two guy attempt to woe the girl with poetry and obscure literary references but she eventually just goes out with a jock. Sucked in nerds. 2/5 Scarfs.

According to IMDB: "When thirty-something Jesse returns home for his father's retirement party, he falls for Zibby, a college student, and is faced with the powerful attraction that springs up between them."

What DeeDee thought: Ted from How I Met Your Mother writes, directs & stars in this movie as Ted from How I Met Your Mother. Z'efron cameo was cute. Not as twee as I'd feared, though I hate hate hate that they used the name 'Zibby'. Get fucked.

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World 9pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: Oh I’m a lonesome little raindrop, looking for a place to fall. Won’t anyone come join me in my End of the World bunker? We can play chess? Oh come on, please be my End of the World friend. 4/5 Lone nuts.

According to IMDB: "As an asteroid nears Earth, a man finds himself alone after his wife leaves in a panic. He decides to take a road trip to reunite with his high school sweetheart. Accompanying him is a neighbor who inadvertently puts a wrench in his plan."

What DeeDee thought: Oh...no. Bad movie. I don't think anyone should bother making movies on this topic anymore, whatever the genre, Lars von Trier kinda clocked it.

MIFF 2012: Day Eleven

Marina Abramovic: The Artist Is Present 11am @ ACMI

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A documentary about an avant garde artist from Poland. She had a tough childhood which is reflected in her post modern finger painting. She takes herself very seriously and so should you. 4/5 My kid could do that’s.

According to IMDB: "A documentary that follows the Serbian performance artist as she prepares for a retrospective of her work at The Museum of Modern Art in New York."

What DeeDee thought: An excellent documentary to watch for people who don't really 'get' performance art. This was in some ways me, or at least I was someone who hadn't given performance art much thought.

A Woman’s Face 1:30pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: Josephine Merrick was born with severe deformities all over her body but her face remained untouched by her condition and she retained A Women’s Face. An interesting film but it felt a little over burdened with excess parts. 3/5 Elephant People.

According to IMDB: "A female blackmailer with a disfiguring facial scar meets a plastic surgeon who offers her the possibility of looking like a normal woman."

What DeeDee thought: Personally, I preferred her face before the surgery. The built-in Elvis lip was pretty badass.

Tomorrow 4:30pm @ the Kino

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A documentary about the day after 9/11. Features interviews with firefighters, survivors, widows and Gilbert Gottfried making jokes about the tragedy. 3/5 Toosoons.
 

According to MIFF: "Revered by the likes of Banksy and Brian Eno, the members of Russian collective Voina (War) have gained notoriety for public ‘actions’ that have landed their leaders in jail. In Tomorrow filmmaker and former ice-dancing champion Andrey Gryazev embeds himself with the group to create this fly-on-the-wall documentary focusing on Voina’s founders, Oleg Vorotnikov (known as Vor) and Natalia Sokol (known as Koza), along with their two-year-old son Kasper, who accompanies them on all of their actions."

What DeeDee thought: Well, that's nice Banksy & Eno, but I mostly just thought that these people were arseholes. And goddamn Kyle, I knew you'd find a way to sneak Gottfried on here!

Amour 6:30pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: Not your typical romantic comedy, oh no, this one is European so it’s smart and arty, plus they are speaking in foreign so you have to read. A film so people who want to watch trash but are just too pretentious. 1/5 sophisticates.

According to IMDB: "Georges and Anne are in their eighties. They are cultivated, retired music teachers. Their daughter, who is also a musician, lives abroad with her family. One day, Anne has an attack. The couple's bond of love is severely tested"

What DeeDee thought: A topic I spend way too much time thinking/crying about. Devastatingly realistic.

Alps 9pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A group of American teenagers head to the Swiss Alps on holidays. Good times and merriment await them in a quaint log cabin, but that’s not all that’s waiting. Cabin fever feat. snow. 2/5 Cheese holes.

According to IMDB: "A group of people start a business where they impersonate the recently deceased in order to help their clients through the grieving process."

What DeeDee thought: Nowhere near as good as I'd hoped it would be. Some amusing moments, but I wasn't there for the funny.

MIFF 2012: Day Ten

Bully 1:30pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A good old fashion talkie in which jolly folk constantly say the word Bully. A kind of ridiculous film that somehow manages to be completely unironic. 4/5 Hollywood Babylons.

According to IMDB: "A documentary on peer-to-peer bullying in schools across America."

What DeeDee thought: Spent this entire movie trying to stop tears from streaming down my face. Kids suck.

Beyond the Hills 3:45pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A gritty documentary about life in the housing projects located just outside of Beverly Hills. Life is much more real here, Beverly Hills is so fake, how come poor people have to live in crappy apartments while rich people get to live in nice houses? Etc. 2/5 90210s.

According to IMDB: "A drama centered on the friendship between two young women who grew up in the same orphanage; one has found refuge at a convent in Romania and refuses to leave with her friend, who now lives in Germany."

What DeeDee thought: This was Lord of the Rings long & it was fun to see people bolt outta there down Russell St to get to their next movie when it finished (me included). An intense watch, but ultimately worth it.

 Call Me Kuchu 6:45pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A little boy with a cold wakes up to find the snot in his handkerchief has come to life. “Call Me Kuchu” says the newly formed snot golem and then begins a friendship that will last a lifetime. 4/5 Disgusting premises.

According to IMDB: "Call Me Kuchu tells the story of the life and death of Uganda's first openly gay man. At a time when an Anti-Homosexuality Bill is pending in Uganda's parliament, the film follows David Kato and three fellow activists, documenting their daily lives, their courageous work to combat persecution, and eventually the brutal and tragic murder that sends shock waves throughout the world".

What DeeDee thought: Read this. Fucked. 

 The Final Member 9pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A documentary about various fan clubs that are a bit past their prime. Features interviews with the last remaining member of the Milli Vanilli Fan club, and the president of the Tiffany fan club. 2/5 Trve fans.

According to IMDB: "Thirty miles from the Arctic Circle, in the northern Icelandic town of Husavik, stands the Icelandic Phallological Museum - the world's only Penis museum. Over 40 years, the founder and curator has collected every specimen from every mammal except for one elusive penis needed to complete his collection: The Human Specimen. The film follows the curator's incredible, sublimely comic, often shocking quest to complete his eccentric collection, and the two intrepid men who have raised their hands to be the first human donor."

What DeeDee thought: This was everything I wanted it to be & more! Both potential donors are brilliantly wack characters. Surprisingly, the cinema was 2/3 empty, guess not many people were in the mood to watch willies.

MIFF 2012: Day Nine

When a City Falls 1:30pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: When a City Falls is it because Atlas Shrugged or due to faults in Wall(s) and Street(s)? This documentary is apparently OWS vs TTP but because it consists mainly of interviews on the street with members of the aforementioned groups it ends up being incomprehensive nonsense. 1/5 movements.

 

According to IMDB: "The people's story of the Canterbury earthquakes. What happens to half a million New Zealanders the year their lives changed forever?"

What DeeDee thought: Spent half my energy during this movie trying to fend off a constant stream of coughs/sneezes/nose blowing by the woman behind me. Well constructed doco, the bulk of the footage used didn't feel all creepy and exploitative, as these types of things can sometimes.

Hara-Kiri: Death of a Samurai 4pm @ Hoyts

Kyle's review based on the title alone: The one anime included in the festival, but one of those anime’s that are arty enough that normal people would watch them. This movie is a gritty tale of life in feudal Japan and watching it is about as entertaining as living in that place and time. 1/5 Sore Bellies.

 

According to IMDB: "An tale of revenge, honor and disgrace, centering on a poverty-stricken samurai who discovers the fate of his ronin son-in-law, setting in motion a tense showdown of vengeance against the house of a feudal lord."

What DeeDee thought: My first & last modern 3D experience. The 3D was really unnecessary & I totally resented having to wear those stupid glasses that whole time. I swearr it was better in the 80s, like most things. Also, Hoyts Melbourne Central is freezing, I could hear the air con blasting the whole way through. Oh, the movie, the movie was actually rather good. Less gory bits than I expected.

Ruby Sparks 6:30pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: For every Hanna Montana there are hundreds of girls who almost made it, this is the story of one of those girls. This movie tries to make you feel bad for Ruby Sparks but can’t escape from the fact that this is a girl who thinks she deserves to be a pop star, and who the hell cares what she thinks? 1/5 Roses.

 

According to IMDB: "A novelist struggling with writer's block finds romance in a most unusual way: by creating a female character he thinks will love him, then willing her into existence."

What DeeDee thought: Most enjoyable, but 'Stranger Than Fiction' remains the better movie along a similar theme. 

Holy Motors 9:15pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: Flanders and his bowling team and now a motor racing team! They pray to God for a safe race but then still wear helmets (science) and seat belts (double science) for protection, some Christians these guys are. 2/5 Hail Xenu’s.

 

According to IMDB: "From dawn to dusk, a few hours in the life of Monsieur Oscar, a shadowy character who journeys from one life to the next. He is, in turn, captain of industry, assassin, beggar, monster, family man..."

What DeeDee thought: Shitfuck amazing, need more of this, whatever this is, in my life. Kylie Minogue's scenes turned out to be my least favourite part of the whole movie.

Errors of the Human Body 11:30pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A gritty reboot of Tod Browning’s Freaks. Because this movie really needed a gritty reboot okay. Despite attempting to be super edgy this movie fails in every attempt to be as moving and engrossing as the original. What once was a naïve and honest tale showcasing sideshow performances is now a mean spirited tale that whilst shocking and at times powerful, simply leaves the audience feeling depressed. 2/5 Schitzies.

 

According to MIFF: "In a mysterious laboratory in snow-cloaked Dresden, visiting Canadian scientist Geoff Burton finds himself working on a clandestine project to divine the human regeneration gene. However, haunted by personal tragedy and a past he can’t escape, Burton falls deeper and deeper into the treacherous outer reaches of genetic engineering."

What DeeDee thought: I was going to see this & made it as far as the cinema, but then this guy elbowed me (accidentally, I hope) really hard in the ear when I was walking to the loo, at which point I decided I was done for the night.

MIFF 2012: Day Eight

Method to the Madness of Jerry Lewis 4pm @ the Kino

Kyle's review based on the title alone: This movie is actually about Jerry Lee Lewis but MIFF made a typo. He set a piano alight, married his cousin, rock ‘n’ roll, yadda yadda yadda. 2/5 Nutty Professsors.

According to MIFF: "It will surprise few to discover that star of stage and screen Jerry Lewis has sought to amuse others since he was five years old. Since that early age, audiences split their sides watching his wacky antics, whilst wannabe comics aspired to his prolific career, from his solo work to his double act with Dean Martin. Indeed, many of his famous fans share stories of affection and admiration for the now 86-year-old performer and filmmaker in Gregg Barson’s documentary."

What DeeDee thought: My dad has always been obsessed with Jerry Lewis, but I was always a bit so-so about him. This doco changed that quite a bit, but I couldn't help walking away thinking "why does he always wear those goddamn tracksuits these days?". Old rich guy thing, I think.

Big Boys Gone Bananas! 6:30pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A teen gross out movie that stars a group body builders who are playing teenagers trying to lose their virginity before graduation. Pure brilliance, every over muscled 40-something plays their teenage role without so much as a wink at the camera, comedic genius. 5/5 Arnie’s.

According to IMDB: "Dole Food Company wages a campaign to prevent a pair of Swedish filmmakers from showing their documentary about a lawsuit against the company."

What DeeDee thought: I very self-consciously ate a banana during this. Cool story, gave me more reasons to love Sweden.

Sightseers 9pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A documentary about Iraq’s ‘booming’ tourist trade. “This film was a blast” – some arsehole.
4/5 Will Smiths.
 

According to IMDB: "Chris wants to show girlfriend Tina his world, but events soon conspire against the couple and their dream caravan holiday takes a very wrong turn

What DeeDee thought: Really, really, really fucking funny, cool movie. I loved it in the same way I loved 'Severance', which played at MIFF a few years ago.

100 Bloody Acres 11:30pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A gritty reboot of a war movie. Tagline: war just got real. You know I was skeptical about this film, “ain’t war gritty enough” some peacenik said once, to which I say “isn’t” and you just wait until you see 100 Bloody Acres. 4/5 Gruff Batmans.

 

According to IMDB: "Reg and Lindsay run an organic fertiliser business. They need a fresh supply of their "secret ingredient" to process through the meat grinder. Reg comes across two guys and a girl with a broken-down vehicle on their way to a music festival."

What DeeDee thought: This was pretty average & predictable, though I must say it was wonderful to hear the word 'fuckarse' used in a movie.

MIFF 2012: Day Seven

Jayne Mansfield’s Car 11am @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: 

“you know that Jayne Mansfield had some big breasts!" – Seinfeld

Actually this is just a really dull movie about road safety. 1/5 decapitations.

According to IMDB: "The drama is about two families from different countries whose cultures clash. The drama takes place in the 1960s."

What DeeDee thought: This was overly long, dull & sometimes weird, not weird good, but 'what...how many people decided that this scene/those lines were a good idea?' weird. Written by, directed & starring Billy Bob Thornton. I miss his wearing-angelina's-blood-around-his-neck days.

The Man on the Roof 1:30pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone:

You better get down from there.

I won’t ever get down! This is where I belong!

Oh boy, what are we going to do about The Man on the Roof? 3/5 Roof Men.

According to IMDB: "Police lieutenant Nyman is murdered in his hospital bed and Martin Beck and his colleagues have another murder to solve. They discover that Nyman was a very brutal and tough policeman who received many complaints about his brutality. Particularly interesting is a complaint from Åke Eriksson, whose wife died in police custody because of Nyman. Eriksson climbs up on a roof in central Stockholm and starts to shoot at people on the street below..."

What DeeDee thought: Pretty much exactly what I expected a 1970s Swedish cop drama to be like. Needz moar Jason King (see below).

 The Student 4pm @ ACMI

Kyle's review based on the title alone: One brave student at one point in time had a point of view about an issue that was slightly more left wing than that of establishment so he went about and made a petition. I didn’t sign it. 1/5 signatures.

According to IMDB: "Roque starts University in Buenos Aires but he is not particularly interested in attending classes or working towards a degree. Instead, he dedicates his time to one of the many groups vying for control of the university, motivated less by grand political ideals than by a wish to get close to Paula, an attractive young teacher heavily involved in internal university politics."

What DeeDee thought: My first walkout. I'd actually thought this would be quite good, but nah. Gave it an hour before giving up. I tried & tried to get into it, but my mind was wandering a fair bit. Oh well.
 

Ace Attorney 6:30pm @ Greater Union

Kyle's review based on the title alone: A documentary about Johnnie Cochran and the legal system of America. Not at all interesting and feels like, I don’t know, 15 years too late. 1/5 gloves.

According to IMDB: "This movie is based on the second and fourth cases in the popular video game Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney. The plot follows Phoenix Wright, a novice lawyer, who faces off against expert prosecutor Miles Edgeworth, who had a perfect win record."

What DeeDee thought: Farkin' excellent. Very, very fun movie to watch in a full cinema. My brother, who has played the game plenty, said it captured the humour & energy of the game perfectly. I must watch more Takashi Miike movies, of which there are many.

How to Survive a Plague 9pm @ the Forum

Kyle's review based on the title alone: Warning: Contains no useful advice about plague survival. Plague is a metaphor for Wall Street or something. 1/5 stinkin’ commies.

According to IMDB: "The story of two coalitions -- ACT UP and TAG (Treatment Action Group) -- whose activism and innovation turned AIDS from a death sentence into a manageable condition."

What DeeDee thought: Ah, as Kyle, my brother & sister-in-law were with me for Ace Attorney, the temptation to blow off this movie for my first proper meal in a week was too great. Apparently this is quite good, but so was dinner.