Shopping List Month: List Eleven

the list.

contents are: cream cheese, eggs, vanilla bean, milk, cray, prawns, oysters, vegetables, salad greens, tomatoes, fruit: orange, lemon, lime, nuts, bread (pan cooked), cheese, biscuits, olive oil, white wine, gas lighter, foil pan, flowers.

either this listmaker was having a dinner party, or their everyday life is seriously ballin'.

receipt one.

receipt two.

receipt three.

according to the 3 seafood places i tried, it ain't crayfish season, so that's out.

the goods.

the other goods.

meal one: breakfast

brazil nuts.

i googled 'jokes about brazil nuts'. here we go:
"what are brazilian nuts called? brazil nuts".
fuck you, internet.

meal two: morning tea

egg.

hey you there, reading this, yeah you. you're a good egg. (jesus christ, please stop me, please)

meal three: lunch

egg, crackers, (far too hard) camembert.

a couple of months ago, my workmate & i bought a bunch of cheeses, crackers, deli meat, kabana & quince paste & sat it between us for the workday. 
it was a good day, probably as good as :: this one ::

meal four: afternoon tea

goddamn you planet earth, i don't know how you managed to fuck this orange up, but damn. worst orange ever.

meal five: dinner

ballin'.

oysters w/ lemon/lime/olive oil dressing, cream cheese + camembert + crackers.

prawns, salad greens, white wine, pan fried bread.

this represents a typical meal for me when i'm not doing this shopping list nonsense.

meal six: breakfast

brazil nuts, vanilla bean infused milk.

i have always found the sight of little black vanilla bean flecks in food immensely pleasing. though i guess not pleasing enough to have said flecks visible in this photo.

meal seven: lunch

egg, salad greens, pan fried bread.

remember that cheesy bread you used to get at sizzler, before they died in the arse here? this bread is very similar, get on it.

meal eight: dinner

fried eggs, pan fried bread, tomatoes.

i could've made a pretty sick looking face with this meal.
goddamn missed opportunities. 

meal flowers

flowers went to mum, for mum-like deeds.

Shopping List Month: List Ten

the list.

contents are: all bran honey + almond, cruskits, yeast, taco shells, refried beans, taco sauce, cream cheese, 2 x 2L milk, spelt flour, slices tasty cracker barrel, zucchini, tomatoes, bag baby spinach, broccoli, caps(icum), cucumber, mushroom, fruit.

the receipt.

i can almost guarantee you that this list was left behind by a student's mother from the private girl's school next door to the supermarket.

the goods.

meal one: breakfast

all bran honey + almond w/ milk.

you'd think the addition of honey & almond would make all bran more edible, wouldn't you? 

meal two: morning tea

"i always treat mango as an at-home food, sitting on the couch with a tea towel bib, so no one can see how messy i am!" - my co-worker, as i headed out on my tea break.

meal three: lunch

cruskits, spinach, tomato, cucumber, cheese, cream cheese.

delicious lunch, though halfway through i was overcome with fatigue from putting it all together. yes, i'm that lazy.

meal four: afternoon tea

all bran honey + almond.

post-breakfast cereal. for when you just can't be fucked.

meal five: dinner

spelt pizza!

please take a moment to appreciate my beautiful creation.

come a little closer.

base was just spelt flour, yeast & water. how creepy & stinky is yeast?! 
toppings are taco sauce, zucchini, spinach, tomato, capsicum & tasty cheese.
dope.

meal six: breakfast 

(p.s. soup mugs make good transportable misc breakfast mugs)

 meal seven: lunch

rockmelon, cherries, leftover pizza, cruskits w/ cucumber, tomato, cream cheese.

such a balanced meal! (as in, i balanced that shit on my lap while i took the photo like a boss)

meal eight: afternoon tea

see above 'can't be fucked' comment.

even my bowl is angry at me for eating this shit again.

meal nine: dinner

tacos! taco shells, broccoli, refried beans, taco sauce, cheese, spinach, mushrooms, zucchini, capsicum, tomato.

refried beans. i didn't think any foodstuff on earth was gross enough to ruin tacos, but here we are.

Shopping List Month: List Nine

the list.

contents are: diced pumpkin, 2 pkts corn, cheezels, picnic...and the listmaker's pin number?

the receipt.

note that the red bull on the receipt was snuck in by my workmate ash. i made him take a picture with it for proof, to maintain my list purity.

caffeine, so near, yet so far.

the goods.

meal one: dinner

there was only one obvious choice when it came to what to make. 
roast pumpkin stuffed cheezels.

served with a..hammock...of corn, two ways.

scoff all you like, dear internet, little morsels of heaven, i tells ya. 
will be making these my signature bring-a-plate plate for future social gatherings.

meal two: dessert

assorted picnics.

i am comfortable admitting i ate a lot more picnics than the two the cat served up.

Shopping List Month: List Eight

the list.

contents are: soy. um, bikies. cheese...bikies?

i had a lot of trouble interpreting this list. it could be read a number of ways. is it 'soy milk, biscuits (as in sweet biscuits), cheese biscuits'? or is it 'soy biscuits, cheese biscuits'? (i couldn't find such a thing as soy biscuits, so that was out). or is it 'soy milk, biscuits (as in sweet), cheese, biscuits (as in crackers, savoury)'? or, surely the most likely, it means the listmaker is part of one of many bikie gangs that frequent aldi. the soy bikies and the cheese bikies are rivals & they've received a tip off that they'll both be at aldi that day. the listmaker is gonna take 'em down!

i went with the first one.

the receipt.

the goods.

i did this shop at aldi, as per the list. much to my delight, the penguins were the only form of cheese biscuit anywhere in the store, hooray! highly recommend cheese penguins, get on that shit.

meal one: late night snack

little morsels of heaven.

meal two: breakfast 

two caramelts + soy milk.

did you know that everything tastes better when served in an old timey moustache protective mug?

meal three: lunch

more happiness.

did you know that everything tastes better when served in hello kitty containers?

Shopping List Month: List Seven

the list.

contents are: calamine lotion, flea power (powder...or maybe power...maybe she wanted the fleas to take over), bread, dog dry food, air deo, lettuce, soup veg, cigs, telnase, gavascon, cigs (again, don't forget the cigs). under bread i think she has written 'pet' and then crossed it out & written 'dog dry food'. just in case she went ahead and bought generalised pet chow instead of dog specific food?

this list makes me feel really heavy and depressed. conjures up all sorts of awful images about the listmaker's life. the health conditions. the smoking (particularly that cigs is there twice). the bland food. the dog. any of these things alone is fine & dandy, but together...i don't know, it just feels...heavy.

receipt one.

receipt two.

the goods.

meal one: dinner

meal one ingredients: celery, bread, sweet potato, carrots, potatoes, lettuce.

veggie soup, lettuce, toast.

wouldya lookit this drab meal? i could see no other way out of this list than to boil the veggies up with water in a big pot, then blend into a soup. 
it was unpleasant.

the air freshener

"hey kyle, i've got a great idea mate! i'm gonna spray the room with the glade air freshener. then you come in and sit down & i'll blindfold you! then i'll bring something really stinky in and you have to see if you can smell it, or if the awesome power of the air freshener eliminates it! IT'LL BE JUST LIKE THAT AD AND WE'LL BE RICH & FAMOUS! ok, ready?"

i bring his cat into the room and hold it up to his face. cat scratches both of us and runs.
eh, close enough.

the medicated items

the gaviscon tasted like balloons. no joke. balloons.

the telnase was an awful experience. the only thing i want up my nose is a booger! the feeling as it slowly trickled through my sinuses was unbearable. and geez, just look at all the instructions!

pretty sure they could've condensed that it 'sniff it'.

the calamine lotion was actually quite handy, as i have a spot of eczema on my leggem that's been bothering me. oh sweet relief.

the cigarettes

as an ex-smoker of around 9 years or so, i was so looking forward to drawing this list. finally, my chance to get back into the fags, all in the name of SCIENCE. alas, when the time came, i sat with an unlit cig in my mouth in the backyard for a good 15 mins before retreating inside. i walked up to kyle & said "i didn't do it, are you proud of me?!?". he responded "huh? sure, i guess". so i huffed back outside, shouting "FINE THEN, I'LL DO IT, YOU CAN'T STOP ME". i got the big gas stove lighter out, lit the damn thing and...didn't inhale, so it didn't actually light. but look, i made it slightly blackened!

the dogue food and pow(d)er

see end of previous post for powdering. gave him this dry food at previous visit also. i ain't visiting that cute mutt two lists in a row.