Shopping List Month: List Nine

the list.

contents are: diced pumpkin, 2 pkts corn, cheezels, picnic...and the listmaker's pin number?

the receipt.

note that the red bull on the receipt was snuck in by my workmate ash. i made him take a picture with it for proof, to maintain my list purity.

caffeine, so near, yet so far.

the goods.

meal one: dinner

there was only one obvious choice when it came to what to make. 
roast pumpkin stuffed cheezels.

served with a..hammock...of corn, two ways.

scoff all you like, dear internet, little morsels of heaven, i tells ya. 
will be making these my signature bring-a-plate plate for future social gatherings.

meal two: dessert

assorted picnics.

i am comfortable admitting i ate a lot more picnics than the two the cat served up.

Shopping List Month: List Eight

the list.

contents are: soy. um, bikies. cheese...bikies?

i had a lot of trouble interpreting this list. it could be read a number of ways. is it 'soy milk, biscuits (as in sweet biscuits), cheese biscuits'? or is it 'soy biscuits, cheese biscuits'? (i couldn't find such a thing as soy biscuits, so that was out). or is it 'soy milk, biscuits (as in sweet), cheese, biscuits (as in crackers, savoury)'? or, surely the most likely, it means the listmaker is part of one of many bikie gangs that frequent aldi. the soy bikies and the cheese bikies are rivals & they've received a tip off that they'll both be at aldi that day. the listmaker is gonna take 'em down!

i went with the first one.

the receipt.

the goods.

i did this shop at aldi, as per the list. much to my delight, the penguins were the only form of cheese biscuit anywhere in the store, hooray! highly recommend cheese penguins, get on that shit.

meal one: late night snack

little morsels of heaven.

meal two: breakfast 

two caramelts + soy milk.

did you know that everything tastes better when served in an old timey moustache protective mug?

meal three: lunch

more happiness.

did you know that everything tastes better when served in hello kitty containers?

Shopping List Month: List Seven

the list.

contents are: calamine lotion, flea power (powder...or maybe power...maybe she wanted the fleas to take over), bread, dog dry food, air deo, lettuce, soup veg, cigs, telnase, gavascon, cigs (again, don't forget the cigs). under bread i think she has written 'pet' and then crossed it out & written 'dog dry food'. just in case she went ahead and bought generalised pet chow instead of dog specific food?

this list makes me feel really heavy and depressed. conjures up all sorts of awful images about the listmaker's life. the health conditions. the smoking (particularly that cigs is there twice). the bland food. the dog. any of these things alone is fine & dandy, but together...i don't know, it just feels...heavy.

receipt one.

receipt two.

the goods.

meal one: dinner

meal one ingredients: celery, bread, sweet potato, carrots, potatoes, lettuce.

veggie soup, lettuce, toast.

wouldya lookit this drab meal? i could see no other way out of this list than to boil the veggies up with water in a big pot, then blend into a soup. 
it was unpleasant.

the air freshener

"hey kyle, i've got a great idea mate! i'm gonna spray the room with the glade air freshener. then you come in and sit down & i'll blindfold you! then i'll bring something really stinky in and you have to see if you can smell it, or if the awesome power of the air freshener eliminates it! IT'LL BE JUST LIKE THAT AD AND WE'LL BE RICH & FAMOUS! ok, ready?"

i bring his cat into the room and hold it up to his face. cat scratches both of us and runs.
eh, close enough.

the medicated items

the gaviscon tasted like balloons. no joke. balloons.

the telnase was an awful experience. the only thing i want up my nose is a booger! the feeling as it slowly trickled through my sinuses was unbearable. and geez, just look at all the instructions!

pretty sure they could've condensed that it 'sniff it'.

the calamine lotion was actually quite handy, as i have a spot of eczema on my leggem that's been bothering me. oh sweet relief.

the cigarettes

as an ex-smoker of around 9 years or so, i was so looking forward to drawing this list. finally, my chance to get back into the fags, all in the name of SCIENCE. alas, when the time came, i sat with an unlit cig in my mouth in the backyard for a good 15 mins before retreating inside. i walked up to kyle & said "i didn't do it, are you proud of me?!?". he responded "huh? sure, i guess". so i huffed back outside, shouting "FINE THEN, I'LL DO IT, YOU CAN'T STOP ME". i got the big gas stove lighter out, lit the damn thing and...didn't inhale, so it didn't actually light. but look, i made it slightly blackened!

the dogue food and pow(d)er

see end of previous post for powdering. gave him this dry food at previous visit also. i ain't visiting that cute mutt two lists in a row.

Shopping List Month: List Six

the list.

contents are: potatoes, spinach/silverbeet, lettuce, carrots, pumpkin, c/flour (cauliflower), corn, 2 tomatoes, fruit (NO APPLES), bread + rolls, coca cola, beer, cat food 6-12, dog food x 4, dog biscuits, w e paper (??? decided this was toilet paper), 2 tissues, kitchen paper x 2, butter x 2, filo pastry, 2 coffee beans, bacon, joe's thick soy sauce (i have no idea what this is & neither does google, so i got kecap manis, cos thick and soy), taylor's tartare sauce, fillet steak, lamb chops, 2 pork fillets, fish, roast pork + crackle.

HOLY MONSTER LIST.
holy coffee & alcohol (beer, which i hate, but it'll do).
this...this may take me a while.

receipt one.

receipt two. monster lists require multiple supermarkets.

the goods.

meal one: afternoon beeru

only my judge dredd cup could handle such a beverage.

beer. never been fond of the stuff. i bought my beer from aldi, the shit all tastes the same to me. i thought i'd mix it with coke to try and cover up the awful taste. it worked, just enough to stop me gagging. AND ANOTHER THING, beer, you know what i hate about you? so much liquid, bloating and toileting required to become slightly tipsy. fuck you, beer.

meal two: dinner

meal two ingredients: lettuce, butter, tomato, corn, rolls, fillet steak.

steak burger + corn drowned in butter, how it should be.

CORN, YOU JUST SHOT YR FINE SELF BACK INTO MY GOOD BOOKS, YOU SOME TASTY SHIT.

meal three: second dinner

bacon roll. the cat made me do it.

meal four: dessert

literally every single time i see or think of grapes, oprah's voice rings in my head. she's saying "NOT EVEN A GRAPE, A SINGLE GRAPE". something she said in relation to eating after a certain time at night. i have a very poor memory generally, but gee i'm great at remembering shit i heard oprah say on tv one time in 1999.

meal five: breakfast

 

buttered toast.

have i mentioned i tend not to buy butter? reason being i have trouble controlling myself around the stuff. i remember when i was a fat little girl, i had another fat little girl friend who was also fond of butter. her mother used to buy those little single serve packs of butter and when i was at her house, we would sit there in her kitchen eating packet after packet of the stuff. 

...my husband is the only person i've told that too before aaaaaaand i probably should've kept it that way.

meal six: worky wake up juice

coffee, black like my soul...or because there's no milk on the list.

meal seven: morning tea

this meal left me stuck with the wiggles in my head for the rest of the day.

meal eight: lunch

pork, tomato, spinach, kecap manis.

kecap manis. fyi, good salad dressing.

meal nine: afternoon tea

iced coffee. tastes delicious & keeps the clothes on the lady.

meal ten: dinner

meal ten ingredients: potatoes, lettuce, butter, tartare sauce, filo pastry, corn, salmon.

salmon + spud pie!

well, the pie was delicious AND i managed to drink beer sans wrongtown mixers, two thumbs up.

meal eleven: cat meal

"oh, apple, you, you don't want any of this?"

"grrrreat apple, more for me, babis cat!"

"oh, i, um...well, a taste can't hurt"

"ARGHHHHHH FUCK YOU APPLE, YOU KNEW DIDN'T YOU?? THAT FOOD IS UNHOLY, WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS TO US?!!"

meal twelve: dessert

y'know, i don't remember any other oprah quotes. just the grapes.

meal thirteen

bacon, tomato, spinach on toast w/ espresso.

guy looks pretty smug about being a tiny coffee.

meal fourteen: morning tea

i ate this after it had been sitting in a hot car for a couple of hours. mmmm, fermenty.

meal fifteen: lunch

please don't notice how thickly i've spread the butter.

meal sixteen: dinner

meal sixteen ingredients: pumpkin, spinach, pork, potatoes.

roast stuffs. i don't know how to crackle.

plus beeru.

meal seventeen: breakfast

smashed all the leftover dinner roast stuff into patties & panfried. tasted ten times more delicious than the original meal. plus cawfee.

meal eighteen: morning tea

cramming the coffee in while i can.

meal nineteen: lunch

strawbs + pineapple, iced coffee, lamb chops + cauliflower/carrots/butter/lettuce mish mash.

the paper towel

well, i used the toilet paper in the conventional way. no photos, ya sickos. the paper towel was used to make this delightful drawing.

quite depressing, really.

fun with dog

i don't have a dog, so to use all the doggie stuff on this list, i visited my brother's staffy. he fought off the household cats to enjoy his biscuits and a meal.

and then politely asked me to leave when i covered him in flea powder.

it was a good day.

END LIST.