Tim Allen Appreciation Month: Day Four

today's tim activities featured a lot of penis. tim allen likes to talk about penis, his and others. maybe because he was born timothy allen dick, how could he not, HOW COULD HE NOT? 

at work, i read a few chapters of tim's first book, don't stand too close to a naked man (1994). i have included a passage below.

LOLOLOLOL, STUPID WOMEN & THEIR PURSE VAGINAS & UTERINE SHOES & OVARY HANDBAGS AMIRITE? 

at home, i watched tim's stand-up show, men are pigs (1990). he had this cool backdrop with tools & shit, HE REALLY TRULY IS TIM THE TOOLMAN TAYLOR!! penises scored a mention. he copped a standing o.

at the end of the show, there was all this footage of audience members making tim allen noises & they were shit, i could beat youse all, in 1990 or RIGHT. ASS. NOW. 

a few weeks ago, i was talking to my friend jessica about how i think about eddie mcguire doing everyday activities, like brushing his teeth, putting on a tie, or having sex & i told her i think the same things about tim allen. i just wonder what it would look like in my head, their mannerisms. she came pretty close to throwing up, but then she didn't, so no harm done. 

below is my depiction of tim in his home, sitting on a couch doing absolutely nothing. he gave his team of personal assistants, chefs, housekeepers, umbrella holders etc. the day off & is left alone with his thoughts. the darkness overwhelmed him & two hours later, he called them all back to the house, they are the white noise he needs to function.